If you listen to the students at Sacred Heart, our Priest is married to a 2000 year old prostitute who happens to be Jesus' Mother. What????


As most of you know, I'm a Catechism teacher (Catholic Education). Moreover, I am a First-Year-Confirmation teacher (7th graders). At the beginning and end of the year, the students take an assessment test to see where they stand on the knowledge of their faith. The scores at the beginning of the year help us determine what we need to cover over the progression of the school year. The second test determines whether or not a student will be able to be Confirmed at the end of their second year.


We give them extra incentive to do well, because we offer a gift certificate to anyone who gets 100%. We just finished grading this second test—and it's almost depressing. Although most students passed the test (this is almost always the case) almost a third of them did not (though, to their credit, most of them were a half a point off)

However, I did take it upon myself to write down some of the more amusing answers…

When asked "What are the Sacraments of Vocation?" one student answered: "Marriage, Holy Orders, and Death"
(The Correct answer: Marriage and Holy Orders)

The students were also supposed to know what a rosary is. The correct answer is: a string of beads used to meditate upon the life of Jesus. Most of them decided that it was a necklace that you wore to church. One creative student answered : The Apostle's Creed (Which, yes, happens to be one of the prayers said in the rosary, but no, that's not the answer)

They were also asked what the process was in becoming a saint. They got the answer correct if they included both the words "Beatification/Beatified" and "Cannonization/ Cannonized" (Many of them misspelled Beatification as Beautification, much to our amusement and discontent) A couple of students got cheeky. One answered "Do three miracles and die"; the other put "Fill out an application and you might get called." as theirs.

A person that they were supposed to know about was Mary Magdalene. Mary Magdalene was a woman that Jesus healed of possession of demons, was a disciple of His, and found His tomb empty on Easter morning. Any of these three answers was acceptable. What was not acceptable (because it is NOT in the teachings of the Catholic Church) were the following:
-Mary's (Mother of God) Cousin
-Jesus' Mother
-A Prostitute
-The woman who washed Jesus' feet with her hair/ Lazarus' sister
-The woman who was stoned to death
-A Frostitute
-Jesus' Girlfriend
-The Holy Grail (thank you, DaVinci Code)
Or my personal favorite: Father Mark's Wife XD

A huge part of the test was to know their prayers. They were asked to know three: The Our Father; The Hail Mary; and the Glory Be. Most of them answered the Glory Be either half-way finished or not at all.

Answers to the Hail Mary:
---- hail mary full of grase the lord is wit de. Bless it our vowls and monks….
---- Holy mary ful of grace, how da be name the kingdom come the will be da name. Amen.

The Our Father was even more amusing
----Ar fathe who aren't in heaven. Hall thay be thay name. By ring in come, they will be done on earth into heaven. Amen.
--- Our Father, who art in heaven, how be I name the kingdom come thee will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us to stay are breath and as we forgive those for there trust past as we forgive those for trust passing.
--Another began: Our father lord in hevan, halo be that name by kingdom come, I will be done…


One of our favorite randomnesses of the night was in the Creed (They had to fill in the blanks.) One student put that Jesus was Crucified, Torched, and Killed. Apparently, one form of death wasn't enough.

Another put that He was born under Pontius Pilate. Umm... something wrong with that one!

And so, after three hours or so of reading answers about the "Holy Sprit" or the "Father Mark's Creed" and various other randomnesses, we finally went home, feeling warm and fuzzy… that this year, again, we will not have to buy any gift certificates.

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